


Outrageous Wit

by deadgranger



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: FFT, Community: HPFT, Drabble Collection, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Romance, School, Second War with Voldemort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:47:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 26
Words: 4,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26897671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadgranger/pseuds/deadgranger
Summary: Fred and Hermione have been circling each other ever since her first year at Hogwarts. George thinks they're being stupid sometimes, but doesn't say anything, usually, and lets them be their awkward, weird selves.A collection of drabbles in alphabetical, but not chronological, order.Written for Renacera's ABC Drabble Challenge and 1917farmgirl's More Fred & George Challenge on FanFicTalk!
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Fred Weasley
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	1. Alibi

George came down from the boy’s dormitory into the Common Room expecting to see Fred, but he was nowhere in sight. Hermione was suspiciously gone as well, so he walked over to Harry and Ginny who were playing an intense game of Wizard’s Chess. 

“Oi, have you seen Fred or Hermione lately?” George asked. 

Harry shrugged. “Hermione said something about a Prefect meeting, and Ron’s gone as well so I figure they’re busy with that. Haven’t seen Fred though.” 

Ginny gave her brother a slight eye roll and said, “Fred’s probably wheedling some sweets out of the house elves in the kitchens. Don’t worry Georgie, your conscience will be back soon.” 

George waved a hand dismissively and picked up a book from the pile on the coffee table and stared at the page, unreading. “Alibis my arse,” he muttered, just knowing that Hermione and Fred were probably gallivanting around the grounds without him. 


	2. Bet On It

As Hermione entered the Gryffindor Common Room after classes one day, she noticed Fred and George sitting in a corner, heads close, parchment between them, clearly whispering about something to do with their Skiving Snackboxes. She approached them, one eyebrow raised and arms folded over her chest, ready to use her Prefect powers if necessary. They turned to look at her, sharing a glance first, broad grins upon their faces. 

“Hey, Hermione,” they said in unison. 

“Fred, George,” she replied, eyebrow still raised suspiciously. “What are you two whispering about over here that seems very conspiratorial?” 

“Oh, nothing you need to worry your pretty head about, promise,” George said cheekily. “Just planning some business ventures and the like for after we graduate, you know.”

“Mhmm,” Hermione mused, “anything I should be worried about?” 

“Nah, it’s all going to be jolly proper, I swear,” Fred interjected, equally cheeky as his twin. 

She frowned, realized she’d get nothing out of them, and turned around to go upstairs to her dormitory. After she’d left the Common Room, a Knut passed from Fred to George, who couldn’t believe Hermione didn’t push them to reveal what they’d been talking about. Regardless, both of them sighed with relief that she’d not asked to see the parchment with their new ideas for the Skiving Snackboxes.


	3. Crashing and Burning

Another muffled explosion sounded from the corner of the Common Room resulted in Hermione jumping at the sound and nearly tearing a page out of her book. She slammed it shut and stalked over to Fred and George, looking sheepish at causing said explosion. Hermione halted in front of them, arms crossed over her chest and a furious expression on her face. 

“While I know the two of you aren’t studying for exams, some of us are and would like not to be disrupted while doing so as they are rather important to us. Now, you can either be done with the explosions for the night and go to bed, or I can take ten points each from Gryffindor for being a nuisance during exam season. What’ll it be?” Hermione lectured sternly. 

George opened his mouth to say something but Fred cut him off. “We’ll be good little boys, Lady Prefect, and kip right off to bed,” Fred said, winking slightly at Hermione. 

The corners of her mouth turned up just a bit. “Make sure to clean up this mess before you do, or I’ll take another ten points,” she said, returning to her chair as the twins followed her instructions with conspiratorial whispers. Hermione rolled her eyes and resumed reading. 


	4. Double Takes

Fred and George took Angelina Johnson and Alicia Spinnet, respectively, to the Yule Ball, and had a grand time with their friends and dates. When the Triwizard Champions were presented to the crowd awaiting them in the Great Hall, Fred’s breath caught in his throat and he had to rub his eyes when he saw just who it was that was practically floating on the arm of Viktor Krum. He elbowed George, who also did a double take. Hermione somehow managed to catch Fred’s eye and send a little smirk his way. 

While Hermione spent her night with Viktor Krum, Fred focused his attention on Angelina, as he realized he should know her better considering they’d been playing Quidditch together for three years and didn’t talk much outside of that. Even though the boys generally didn’t enjoy formal wear all that much, having the Weird Sisters playing live was an experience they enjoyed rather immensely. As Fred, George, Angelina, and Alicia left the Yule Ball towards the end of the evening, they could hear Hermione yelling at Ron, and her subsequent crying; Fred felt torn, wanting to comfort her, but also needing to finish his duties as date to Angelina. 

It wasn’t the first time he’d been conflicted about both women, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.


	5. Exceeds Expectations

March hit Fred and George like a slap to the face, as class preparations for O.W.L.s ramped up like mad, putting the two jokers in the most serious of moods anyone, especially Hermione, had ever seen them in. They lashed out at anyone who tried interrupting them during their studying, and even threatened some younger students with bat bogey hexes if they weren’t quiet. Hermione finally got up the nerve to go over and see what their problem was as it was very uncharacteristic of them to be so snappy, and she was concerned. To her immense surprise, they welcomed her approach and actually asked her for help with studying for their exams, even though she hadn’t taken them herself yet. With her managing their study schedule, they each squeaked out three O.W.L.s with “Exceeds Expectations,” and Hermione was a proud tutor. 


	6. First Fall

Hermione’s first proper encounter with Fred in the Gryffindor Common Room during her first year was rather chaotic; he tripped over her stack of school books on the floor, where she thought she’d tucked them underneath her chair enough to be out of the way but clearly had misjudged, causing Fred to fall directly onto her. She splattered her ink everywhere, ruining the Charms essay she’d been working on and getting some ink on Fred’s already freckled face. He scrambled up, wiped at his face, smearing the ink more, then gave her a wink and jaunted off out of the portrait hole as if nothing had just happened. She stayed there, ink soaking into her parchment, unsure of what to make of him already. She quickly siphoned the ink back into its inkpot and grabbed some new parchment to start her essay over; the middle was going nowhere anyway, so she was fine with having to begin again thanks to Fred. 


	7. Grieving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry in advance for any tears, not my fault!

Though they’d never made things official or every really discussed their feelings for each other, the grief Hermione felt when she fled into the woods searching for Horcruxes with Harry and Ron while Fred had to pretend everything was fine at Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes was a rather hard thing for her to do. Her grief only got worse, though, during the Battle of Hogwarts. She’d seen him for a few minutes in the Room of Requirement after their arrival, but otherwise had barely gotten a glimpse of him as she, Ron, and Harry completed other tasks in the fight to defeat Voldemort. It wasn’t until Voldemort had sounded an hour-long reprieve that she would find out the true meaning of grief, and even then she would never be able to comprehend George’s grief. So she hugged Ginny and let the tears fall, looking at the unstaring face of the man she’d never gotten to tell she loved him, and she grieved.


	8. Heartbreak

While nursing her hurt feelings after the Yule Ball and the shouting match she’d had with Ron, Hermione ran into George as she was leaving Gryffindor Tower. He stopped her before she got too far away so he could talk to her. 

“What is it, George?” she sighed impatiently. 

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Look, I just wanted to say I’m sorry Ron’s being an arse right now, so I just wanted to give you a heads up that Fred’s in a bad mood today too so I’d suggest you don’t talk to him today unless you want more stony glares your way.” 

Hermione frowned and bit her lip. “Did something happen with him and Angelina?” 

“I’ll leave that for you two to discuss. I think there’s been enough gossiping about heartbreak in Gryffindor Tower to last the rest of the year, don’t you think?” George said and sauntered off to the portrait hole, leaving Hermione to mull things over.


	9. Imagine

Fred and Hermione were laying out under the stars one warm summer evening at the Burrow; George had been none-too-gently requested by Fred to remain inside so they could be alone. Hermione turned to be on her side, facing Fred, who was already lying on his side to look at her rather than the stars. 

“What?” Fred asked after feeling Hermione’s gaze on his face for several quiet minutes. He poked her in the side, making her squirm at the sudden touch. 

“I don’t know,” she sighed, “I just, I wonder what you imagine your future is like, I guess.” 

He propped his head up on an elbow and gave her a look. “Are you projecting onto me, Hermione Granger? Because if so, I imagine that I’ll be running a joke shop with George while you’re off saving the world in the Ministry of Magic, but you still throw some pranks in here and there with your colleagues because you’re equal parts bad-ass and funny and charming and certainly far too smart for your own good. I imagine life with you, love.” 

Hermione smiled and leaned forward to kiss him. He pulled her closer and deepened the kiss, the night sky sparkling above them.


	10. Jealousy

Fred wasn’t one to typically get jealous, but when Hermione could frequently be found doing schoolwork or hanging out with Harry during their fourth year, he couldn’t help but feel a little seed start to sprout in his stomach. George chose to stay out of it, instead pursuing other activities like deciding the themes for placing bets on the Triwizard Champions during each of the tasks.

It was even worse when Ron and Harry had a falling out so he and Hermione were together almost constantly, so now there were two Weasley boys moping about the Gryffindor Common Room, which was two too many.

Hermione eventually confronted Fred about his abnormal behavior and explained that Harry was like a brother to her; she’d simply been trying to fill the spot of a second best friend since Ron was being an arse about the Tournament thus far. Fred relented, and let the sprout wither away so he could focus on both Hermione and on the betting pool with George.


	11. Knotgrass and Kelpies

“George, what does this even say?” Hermione asked, holding up the parchment he’d set on the chair’s arm next to her. 

“Uh, knotgrass is used in potions and kelp can be used, so what about kelpies?” he quoted back to her. 

Exasperation showed itself on her face. “This isn’t even a complete argument, and, at least, I don’t even know what point you’re trying to make either. Try again with more clarity, please.” 

He rolled his eyes but dutifully complied. 

Fred gave him a playful shove on the arm. “Amateur,” he said, smiling. 

“Don’t be so cocky; your essay is up next. Hand it over,” Hermione stated, holding her hand out expectantly. 

Fred swallowed and gingerly handed her his essay on possible new, interesting potions ingredients. She winked at him and started reading it, giving him similar feedback to George, but definitely accenting it with more smiley faces and positive comments to boost his ego.


	12. Love Letters

George finally found his twin in a dark recess in the library (an unusual place for the both of them to be, honestly) writing furiously on bits of parchment, with several crumpled pieces surrounding him on the table. Fred hardly noticed his brother stop in front of him, a harried expression on his face as he scratched out everything he’d written and crumpled the parchment up. 

As Fred reached for a fresh piece, George asked, “You okay, Freddie?” 

Fred looked up from the table at George, somewhat panic stricken. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but I can’t write this bloody note to Hermione without sounding like the cheesiest sod in all of greater Scotland!” He threw his arms up in defeat. 

George nodded, then sat down across from him. “Let’s do it together, yeah? She doesn’t have to know I helped you out. It’s all for the better that I help you, actually, believe me.” 

“Thanks, Georgie,” Fred said, relieved he had George’s support.


	13. Mistletoe

The holidays were beginning at Hogwarts, and the DA was as excited as everyone else, even with Umbridge ruling with her pink iron fist. Fred and Hermione were walking back from the latest DA meeting down a less-travelled corridor to throw suspicion away from the main corridors other DA members used when they were suddenly stopped by an unseen force under an archway. It was like their feet were stuck to the floor with a sticking charm they couldn’t break. Both of them looked around, but could see no perpetrators, and sighed in frustration. 

Hermione let her head fall back, then suddenly straightened up as her eyes focused on something hanging from the ceiling. “Mistletoe,” she breathed, catching Fred’s attention. 

He glanced up too and a blush spread across his cheeks and down his neck. Hermione sighed at him and pulled his face down to hers, their lips meeting gently. She felt the magic glueing her feet to the ground end almost immediately but maintained the kiss a few seconds longer, enjoying it. They broke apart, smiling, and sent one last look at the enchanted mistletoe before continuing back to Gryffindor Tower.


	14. Notes and Sketches

Luna joined Hermione up in the Quidditch stands during one of the Gryffindor team practices, where she was taking detailed notes, though on what, Luna wasn’t entirely certain. She sat down and pulled out her own notebook and began doodling some of the players flying around in the air, capturing them in quick, sharp strokes. 

Hermione turned to see what her friend was doing and was pleased at how well Luna had captured Fred’s glee at a successful Beater Backbeat move against Alicia. She quickly scribbled in her notes to ask Luna about her sketches later, especially if she could actually draw something for her to give to Fred later, as a gift. 

Later found Hermione and the twins enjoying some downtime in the Gryffindor Common Room, when she handed Fred an envelope and promptly scurried up to the girls’ dormitory, too anxious to see the smile that lit up his face at the sketch and her note that accompanied it.


	15. Outrageous

Hermione looked up from her book when she heard cheers and shouts as someone entered the room to the Goblet of Fire, and saw a boisterous Fred and George, who made a beeline to sit on either side of her. They each held a stoppered tube in their hands, and she immediately knew what was in them. 

“It’s not going to work,” she said in a singsong voice, closing her book as they rolled their eyes and gave her cheeky grins. 

“Don’t be so outrageous, of course it’s going to work! We’re smarter than ol’ Dumbledore, you see,” George said. 

Hermione scoffed and watched as they downed the potions and hopped into the age line, put their names into the Goblet, and cheered when it accepted their parchment slips. A smirk spread on her face as the Goblet’s fire turned red and shot the parchment slips back out and the two boys were magically shoved outside of the age line. 

As they both started freaking out about the gray hair and beards now growing, Hermione muttered to herself, “Outrageous, my arse.”


	16. Promises in the Moonlight

Fred and Hermione had found a Saturday evening surprisingly free, for once, and were able to slip away from their friends so they could enjoy some time together, alone, in one of Hogwarts’ less-traveled courtyards with a beautiful view of the night sky. Even with Umbridge breathing down everyone’s necks, they still managed to do this at least once a month. Fred usually nicked some sort of sweet treat from the kitchens on his way there just to see Hermione’s face light up. 

As they leaned against a tree, Fred’s arm around Hermione’s shoulder with her head tucked into his neck, she mumbled something he couldn’t quite catch. 

“What was that, ‘Mione?” 

Hermione adjusted her position to speak more clearly. “Can you promise me something?” 

Fred squeezed her shoulder. “Anything, love.” 

She fiddled with the hem of her shirt before speaking again. “Promise me you’ll write me every week once you’re done at Hogwarts?” 

He chuckled, “I’ll write you every week and I’ll make sure to visit on Hogsmeade weekends too. How’s that sound?” 

“Sounds perfectly cheeky,” Hermione replied impishly. 

Fred laughed and leaned in for a kiss, which she enthusiastically returned in the evening moonlight.


	17. Quick Escape

While she’d never reveal it to Harry or Ron, she loved the feeling of being on a broom with Fred, even if she was scared of falling to the ground. Flying with him was an escape from the pettiness and tiresome gossip of boarding school, and it was an escape from prying eyes and coded whispers. Even Fred, who typically let insults and gossip roll off his shoulders, couldn’t help but also feel the weight lifted from his shoulders as they flew around the Quidditch pitch and Hogwarts grounds under a starry night sky. Their quick escapes always ended too soon, leaving them both anxiously awaiting the next one.


	18. Roses

During a particularly rough week of preparing for her O.W.L. exams, Hermione had been asked by Fred several times if she’d go to Hogsmeade that Saturday, but she was so overwhelmed with things to do she never committed to an answer. It wasn’t until she’d been forcefully lifted from her chair, quill plucked from her hand that she realized the twins were taking her to Hogsmeade. She stopped fighting once she saw the grins of Harry and Ron outside the castle too, and decided she could take the afternoon off. 

Fred and George disappeared as the trio decided to start at the Three Broomsticks. When they re-emerged after a couple rounds of butterbeers, the twins were waiting outside, both of them with their hands tucked behind their backs suspiciously. 

“Fred, George,” Hermione greeted them. “Are you going to pelt us with something or is it a nice surprise you’ve got there in your hands?” 

Both of them whisked out their items; Fred holding three deep red roses and George revealed several Sugar Quills and Hiccough Sweets. Hermione blushed while Harry and Ron squabbled over the prank sweets. Fred, blushing too, held the roses out to her awkwardly, and she accepted them just as awkwardly, thankful the other three boys weren’t paying them any attention.


	19. Sipping on Butterbeer

During one of the early Hogsmeade weekends during her sixth year, Hermione was sitting in the Three Broomsticks, alone, while Ron and Harry were off looking at things to buy in Zonkos, when someone sliding into the booth across from her shook her out of her reverie. She looked up to see the shining face of Fred Weasley, looking all grown up in his suit but still with that boyish charm the eighteen-year-old would probably never lose. He raised his own glass of butterbeer in a toast, and she clinked hers with his, her cheeks hurting from the huge smile on her face. 

She barely took her eyes off him as they talked for thirty minutes, sipping on their butterbeer and basking in each other’s company, which they’d missed more than they thought they would. When his watch chimed with a code from George, he stood and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving. Hermione held her hand against her face where he’d kissed her and finished her butterbeer, missing him already.


	20. Tripping Over Our Feet

At Bill and Fleur’s wedding, Hermione barely had time to eat or drink anything as she was constantly on the dance floor with a rotating batch of dance partners; this included a bashful Ron, a gleeful Ginny, a disguised Harry, a very handsome Viktor Krum, and both George and Fred. She really stuck it out with Fred several times though, as she trusted him to mostly avoid stepping on her toes during the slow songs. 

Every time he stepped on her shoes he apologized profusely, which was very uncharacteristic of him, but she didn’t care. She was basking in the glow of a party and him holding her close; nothing could mar the night for her with how much pure bliss and joy she was feeling. The few minutes she had to herself saw Fred speaking quietly with George, who had a knowing look on his face while he listened to his twin’s words.


	21. Ugly

After getting the all-clear from Madam Pomfrey that her teeth would stop growing and she’d wiped the tears from her face, Hermione returned to Gryffindor Tower for the rest of the afternoon. It was going well until Fred and George stepped through the portrait hole, having clearly skived off History of Magic, and stopped in their tracks when they saw Hermione curled up on the couch. The boys sat down on either side of her, gently placing hands on her shoulders to comfort her as word had quickly spread about her ordeal. Their comfort was too much, and she broke down again, sobbing. 

“Am I ugly?” she choked out. “Is that why Malfoy thought it’d be funny to cast that curse on me?”

Fred rubbed her back soothingly while looking at George for help, but he just shrugged. 

“Hermione, you’re one of the prettiest girls in this whole school. Malfoy’s a bloody sod who doesn’t know what’s good for him, and he’ll get his due. I think your teeth are just fine the way they are, charmed or not. George, please stop making that face.” 

George schooled his face into a neutral expression as Hermione wiped her eyes and thanked the boys for the support and kind words.


	22. Valiant Save

The Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw Quidditch match was the closest game of the season so far, and Hermione was constantly fluctuating between cheering and biting her nails as the Quaffle passed back and forth from goal posts to goal posts. As Beaters, Fred and George really had their work cut out for them, and the bludgers themselves seemed particularly difficult to handle today.

For Hermione, the most stressful moment was a bludger heading directly for Harry that he didn’t or couldn’t see, and Fred racing to try and keep Harry from getting hit. Fred almost leapt off his broom and grabbed the bludger, tucking it into his side as he rolled away with it, nearly down to the sand. Once he saw Harry was safely away, he released the bludger with a good hit from his bat, and resumed his normal circling of the pitch.

Hermione let out the breath she was holding and enjoyed the rest of the match as Gryffindor pulled ahead into the lead.


	23. Wand Practice

Hermione was practicing her Charms O.W.L. homework in an empty classroom one evening when a knock at the door interrupted her concentration and caused her spell to stop mid-concentration and the object she was shrinking to be very uneven in shape now. She sighed and opened the door to a grinning Fred holding a few sweet-smelling pastries in hand, and a grin couldn’t help but break out on her face. 

He slipped inside, giving her a quick kiss after the door closed behind him, then settled casually on one of the empty desks, munching on one of the pastries. Hermione returned to practicing “Diminuendo,” focusing very closely on her wand movements to get it just right. 

Eventually, Fred got up and started practicing with her, shooting her an encouraging smile as they shrunk objects throughout the room for another hour. Hermione decided she’d gratefully practice spells until her fingers fell off if it meant free pastries and time alone with the redhead boy lounging next to her.


	24. Xylene

Fred had his legs on Hermione’s lap as she was reading through some scientific articles on nail polish she’d found in order to have a proper argument for Ginny about using non-toxic nail polishes when doing her nails in the girls’ dormitory so it wasn’t stinking up the whole girls tower. George was in one of the armchairs opposite Fred and Hermione’s couch, doing research as well, but for more joke invention purposes. 

“Aha!” Hermione exclaimed, highlighting a few passages in her current paper. “This brand has successfully removed formaldehyde resin, xylene, and camphor from its polishes, making it one of the most current, non-toxic nail polish brands out there. Maybe this will make Ginny stop using that awful brand she likes.” 

Fred and George exchanged a knowing look, but shrugged and let Hermione have her moment. She’d figure it out soon enough that Ginny was especially stubborn about her beauty products as a fifteen year old girl; a well thought out argument from someone who didn’t hardly wear makeup wasn’t likely to change her mind.


	25. Yearing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry in advance for the tears again, totally not my fault

Three years after the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts and Fred’s death found Hermione setting a large wreath of red roses on his gravestone, tears flowing freely. 

She cried for losing such a good friend, almost lover, practically family member too soon. 

She cried for all the missed opportunities they’d had, the chances they didn’t take but should have, and for not giving him a proper chance. 

She cried for a twin still trapped in the throes of grief and not knowing who he was, who he could be, without his other half to be there by his side. 

She cried for the yearning she still felt when she thought of him, the yearning for a do-over, for the possibility of actually making things work with him, and for him not to leave his family and friends behind so soon, too soon. 

She cried, and she grieved, and she yearned, all for Fred.


	26. Zero Chance

While the Gryffindor Quidditch Team was doing some practice drills, Hermione was up in the stands, reading a novel, as it was nice to enjoy the fresh air and certainly the view of a few of her favorite redheads and one black-haired boy. Suddenly, Fred zoomed right up to her on his broom, stopping less than five feet in front of her, a dopey grin on his face, which she immediately recognized as his betting face. 

“Fancy a kip around on a broom, Hermione?” he smiled, sending little shoots of warmth into her toes as she returned to reading. 

“Zero chance of that, Fred, no matter how much you bat your eyes at me,” she replied, not even looking up from her book. 

“Can’t fault a bloke for trying. Do try and keep an eye out for bludgers though, we’re running some drills with those next.” 

“I will, don’t worry,” she said nonchalantly. 

His face fell a bit at her apparent indifference, but he shrugged and flew off, knowing she’d happily take him up on his offer later when there weren’t others around to witness the spectacle that was Hermione Granger on a broom.


End file.
